70s Style Bush Looks to Reclaim Its Own Prestige

Game 7 of the summer season is upon the Bush and the schedule has turned against the team.  After beating up on the league's second tier for several weeks and sprinting out to a 5-1 record, the Bush now plays its next three games against teams with a combined record of 14-3-2.  Compare this to the combined record of the five teams the Bush has beaten (9-23) and you can understand how the next three weeks will serve as a measuring stick of 70s guys' true style.

The good news for the Bush is that the team is virtually at full strength for this week's showdown with the douche bags formerly known as the Blumpkins.  Aside from James Charlesworth, and possibly John Yannuzzi (I've been assured there is just a "small" chance Yannuzzi doesn't show), the Bush will field a complete team.  This will be critical as "Prestige Worldwide" (worst softball team name ever) has a knack for hitting the ball all over the field.  With everyone at their natural positions, the Bush will be prepared to limit the offensive damage.  This is key as the Bush bats retreated into hibernation last week against the league's only winless team.

To pull off the big W this evening and extend its winning streak to six games, the Bush will need to break out the sticks and account for at least ten runs.  For as much as the 70s crew hates the pitcher for Prestige, this should not be a problem.  The offense will be paced by multi-hit games from key top-of-the-order contributors such as K-Ford, Wild Thing Pollock and Bobby C.  Big run-scoring knocks will be delivered by none other than Timmy C., Pink Caddy, Burton Ritz, John G. and Matt Scerri.  The Locks is even calling a long awaited BOMB off the stick of Matt Huzzle.  Rounding out the offensive gun show will be Sean G., Dirty Dirito, Matty Bucci and John Yannuzzi (assuming he makes his season debut).

As always, the strong suit of the Bush needs to remain its pitching and defense.  Ricky Vaughn, uh, I mean Kevin Pollock, bounced back from a loss of control two weeks ago to toss his first career shutout last week.  This achievement pulls him even with B. Dirito in the Bush career shutout department.  He'll need to carry his nasty stuff over to this week to keep the PW bats a bit off-balance.  Most importantly, our outfielders' gloves need to be where fly balls and line drives go to die. 

Every out will be hard fought, every base hit big and every heckle appreciated in what can only be called a true barn-burner.  The Bush will find a way to keep the summer season magic rolling as they go ahead for good with three runs in the top of the 7th and then stymie one last PW rally in the bottom of the inning.  ESPN is going to regret not sending a crew out to broadcast this 12-11 70s Style victory.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One: A Bush and A Monkey Walk Into a Bar.....

While it is too early to say with any certainty, it appears that the Bush has put last season's second half meltdown in the rear view mirror.  After getting cock-blocked out of the playoffs, the Bush has responded with a 4-1 start to this summer season, including hard-earned (often come-from-behind) victories over both old (Blash) and new (Los Locos) rivals.

The Bush now stands on the doorstep of 5-1 with only the 0-5 Angry Monkeys in our way.  While this looks to be a gimme, this is the exact type of game that would have sent last season's edition of the Bush into a tailspin.  It is a 6:00 game against an opponent that many of us probably already feel like we've beaten.  Consider yourselves warned Bushmen, if we mail this in, we will lose to the Angry Monkeys.  And then, those humps won't be angry. They'll be happy, just like this monkey:

With that said, the Locks will now place its Swami hat upon its head and offer some high-priced prognostication.  For the first time in many moons, 70s Style will have all three of its Big Boppers in the lineup.  And I don't mean myself, Grech and Dirito.  No, I'm referring to Hillbilly Jim, Kid Huzzle and B.A. Carini.  As long as the other Bushmen keep it simple with the stick and poke singles through the holes, runs will not be hard to come by this evening.  The Locks especially sees big things tonight for our stable of lefties with Scerri, Fordo and KP consistently circling the bases (some faster than others).  We also see a major slump-busting breakout for Seanie Greche and several knocks for Pink Caddy.

In the field, we expect the Bush to continue to turn heads with its bread and butter (i.e. pitching and defense).  That all starts with pitcher Kevin "Wild Thing" Pollock.  Not only does he throw strikes (occasionally) but he holds down the area around the mound likes its Area 54 (nothing that goes in gets out).  The rest of the team with simply catch the Monkey's meek attempts to hit the ball and the Bush will get out of town with victory #5.  This should be a real laugher.   Locks calls it as they see it: a 15-3 beat down.  LOCK IT UP!

2010 O/U NFL Challenge - Entries, Guidance and Predictions

The deadline for entries in the 2010 Over/Under NFL Challenge is rapidly approaching.  The Locks needs to receive all submissions (tbrons@vidacommunication.com) by 11:00 p.m. (Pacific) on Wednesday, September 8.

As promised, the Locks is offering its predictions on the Over/Unders for all 32 NFL teams.  Before we get to the picks, a few observations and insights:

• There are a total of 256 regular season games in the NFL and thus 256 total Wins during the season.  If you add up Vegas' Over/Under W totals for all 32 teams, you get 257.5.  As you see, those numbers are pretty darn close.  So in theory, the number of teams that go over should be roughly equal to the number of teams that go under.  The key word in that last sentence was roughly.  A few supreme over or under-achievers can skew the numbers.

• In examining each team's schedule for the purposes of predicting O/Us, it is amazing how often the Vegas number is right on our prediction.  Surely Vegas is a pro so this shouldn't be too much of a surprise.  However, it's always interesting when you peg a team for 7-8 wins and the Vegas number is 7.5.  It makes calling the O/U an agonizing process.

• No matter how much time you spend in the preseason trying to predict a team's fortunes, it can often turn into a pointless exercise once the injuries begin to pile up.  No single factor affects a team's O/U prospects - not even strength of schedule - as much as the unpredictable nature of injuries.  In other words, luck will play a key role in this contest.

• Speaking of strength of schedule - don't overlook this factor.  Too often we see a team that we think is very good and automatically assume that they are a lock as an Over.  Same goes for bad teams and unders.  However, a very good team, with a very unfavorable schedule can struggle to win 9 or 10 games whereas a mediocre team with a favorable schedule can easily scratch 8 to 9 wins.  Consider the schedules - I'm looking at you Dallas and Baltimore on the tough schedule side and you Arizona and San Diego on the easy schedule side.

With that lesson complete, we turn our attention to the Locks' predictions for the 2010 Over/Unders:

Arizona Cardinals                                                           Over

Atlanta Falcons                                                               Under

Baltimore Ravens                                                           Over

Buffalo Bills                                                                    Under
Carolina Panthers                                                           Over

Chicago Bears                                                                 Under

Cincinnati Bengals                                                          Over

Cleveland Browns                                                           Over

Dallas Cowboys                                                              Under

Denver Broncos                                                              Under

Detroit Lions                                                                   Over

Green Bay Packers                                                        Over

Houston Texans                                                              Under

Indianapolis Colts                                                           Over

Jacksonville Jaguars                                                      Under

Kansas City Chiefs                                                         Over

Miami Dolphins                                                              Under

Minnesota Vikings                                                         Over

New England Pats                                                           Under

New Orleans Saints                                                        Over

New York Giants                                                            Over

New York Jets                                                                Over

Oakland Raiders                                                            Over

Philadelphia Eagles                                                        Over

Pittsburgh Steelers                                                         Under

San Diego Chargers                                                       Over

SF 49ers                                                                          Over

Seattle Seahawks                                                           Over

St. Louis Rams                                                                Under

Tampa Bay Bucs                                                            Under

Tennessee Titans                                                           Under

Washington Redskins                                                    Under

The Death of the Locks Has Been Severly Exaggerated - 2010 O/U NFL Challenge

We're back!  Welcome to the new look Absolute Locks, I Think.  After what can only be described as a warped, morbid experiment, the Locks has emerged from an 8-month gambling exile.  And just what has the Locksmith been up to in 2010?  Let's just say we've completed an unprecedented intelligence upgrade which has elevated our sports prognostication abilities to a realm unoccupied by other humans.  What does that mean for you?  More winners, more often.  More money, more unsolicited attention from attractive women.  Essentially a dramatic improvement over your current ho-hum Johnny Lunch-Pail existence.  Oh, and we redesigned the site as well.

It should not be taken as a coincidence that the Locks is back on the eve of action-packed college football and NFL seasons.  And to kick things off, we're running the 2nd Annual Absolute Locks NFL Over/Under Challenge.  All combatants are invited to enter the ring in this battle of wits and this year we'll be fighting for something more tangible than bragging rights.  That's right, we're adding a monetary component to the challenge in 2010.  So without further ado, here are the ground rules:

In the left column of your screen are the Vegas lines for the number of games each NFL team is predicted to win during the upcoming regular season (does not include post-season).  The Colts and Chargers lead the way with an expected 11 wins each, while the Rams and Lions are once again bottom feeders with a more modest prediction of 5 Ws.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to select three teams from the list that you think will have more wins than predicted (your "over" group) and three teams that you think will have less wins than predicted (your "under" group).  We'll then track each person's 6-team Over/Under entry throughout the year with the person with the most correct predictions taking home the pot.  There are no ties for any predictions.  You will either pick the team to be over or under the Vegas number.  If the Vegas number is right on the money then you lose that pick since it will be neither over or under.

Speaking of ties, there is a likelihood that more than one person in this pool will tie with the best record at the end of the season.  In order to break these ties, we'll have a point system to account for just how "over" or "under" your picks perform.  You'll get one point for each game your correct picks are on the right side of the number and lose one point for each game your incorrect picks are on the wrong side of the number.  For example, the Falcons number is 9.  If you select the Falcons to go over and they end up winning 13 games, then your pick of the Falcons is correct and it is worth 4 tiebreaker points.  If they win 7 games, then your pick is incorrect and is worth -2 tiebreaker points.  In the event of a tie, an individuals' total tiebreaker points will be determined by adding the tiebreaker points for all six of their picks.  Whichever of the teams that tied with the best record has the most tiebreaker points will be crowned the victor.

Entry in the pool will cost $10 with winner taking all.  If you are interested in participating, please send me an email at tbrons@vidacommunication.com to let me know.  Final selections will be due by Wednesday, September 8 at 11:00 p.m. Pacific time.  Please feel free to invite any colleagues who you think will fatten the pot with dead money.

For those of you who don't trust your own analytical abilities, the Absolute Locks will be presenting their Over/Under picks for all 32 NFL teams in the coming weeks.  You can simply piggyback off of our selections.

It is great to be back in action and the Locks thanks you all for your support.  We're looking forward to wildly successful college and pro seasons and hope you'll all jump aboard and make money with us.  And we're off........