Congratulations to everyone who has entered the 2011 edition of the Absolute Locks’ NFL Over/Under Challenge. Not only have you afforded yourself a shot at countless riches come the conclusion of the NFL season, but you have also earned a Happy Days-inspired alter ego to carry you through the coming months.
For those of you who are new to the Challenge, here’s a link back to last year’s introduction where we saddled the contestants with
Saved By the Bell affiliations just to provide even more ammunition for mocking each other.
LINK
Please note that all Happy Days designations are final and beyond debate. With so many new faces this year (many of whom with the Locks is not terribly familiar), we have reserved the main characters for the veterans of the Over/Under Challenge. New faces will be competing for those bit characters and/or guest appearances that made Happy Days such a ridiculously enjoyable program.
The following represents the field that will be competing for the largest Over/Under pot to date. With 21 entries, we have a total pool of $420 (420, man!) which will be split as follows: $335 to the winner and $85 to the runner-up. Study your competition diligently as you never know from where the next champion will emerge:
PRIMARY CAST:
Eric Burke (Defending Champion) as Arthur Fonzarelli aka Fonzie aka The Fonz - The defending Over/Under champion is always honored with the assignment of the unquestioned alpha dog of the TV series we are profiling. Last season saw Tim Crvarich be crowned A.C. Slater only to lose (along with everyone else) to now defending champion Screech Powers. And with that, we witness quite a 12-month transformation as Eric Burke morphs from Screech the school nerd to Eeeeeeeyyyyyy, The Fonz. However, don’t bask in your celebrity too much Mr. Burke for repeating as champion of the Over/Under Challenge is not as easy as smacking the side of a jukebox to get the music playing or water-skiing in a leather jacket. No, this takes all the skill, wits and courage a man can muster. No one in the crew gathered down at Al’s Drive-In thinks you have much of a chance. The Fonz’s Picks:
- Overs: Rams, Broncos and Jaguars
- Unders: Dolphins, Bengals and Packers
Tim Crvarich as Mr. Howard Cunningham – I wish they were all this easy as Timmy C is already well on his way to becoming a “Mr. C” in his own right. Not to mention that there is not a more likely member of this pool to end up joining the Leopard Lodge or eagerly wearing the Grand Poohbah hat. Mr. C’s picks:
- Overs: Falcons, Eagles and Bills
- Unders: Niners, Chiefs and Buccaneers
Bobby Carini as Mrs. Marion Cunningham – Poor Bobby. Last year we pegged him as some tool named Max who ran a diner for spoiled teenagers, now he is Marion Ross. Talk about lack of respect. Maybe if he hadn’t run out on his D-League softball team - during their moment of greatest need - he could have been a Chachi. We’ll just never know. We guess the upside is that he always has Timmy C’s broad Leopard Lodge shoulder to cry on. That said, unless Bobby completely shits the bed this season, we’re going on record now as promising an upgrade to the role of Kit in the next season’s Knight Rider-inspired pool. Mrs. C’s picks:
- Overs: Chargers, Colts and Steelers
- Unders: Niners, Raiders, Lions
Mark Borton as Ralph Malph – Ralph was known to consider himself quite the comedian, often proclaiming, “I still got it!” after he spouted another joke that was dead on arrival. Not that unlike Borty’s “Is This Thing On?” after he delivers his Grade F material. But what makes Borty a really good Ralph Malph has more to do with Potsie than anything else. See, Ralph was known to constantly say, “You’re Such a Potsie” when his buddy was acting like his typically dimwitted self. Which leads us to…..
Adam Yannuzzi as Warren “Potsie” Weber – Adam, as we all know, “Is Such a Potsie.” He is probably reading this post right now already having proclaimed himself this year’s champion even though his picks are nothing if not dimwitted. According to Wikipedia, Potsie’s character was much more worldly early in the Happy Days series and then became somewhat dull mentally later on. That eerily mirrors the progression we are all witnessing in Adam as the years go by.
Ralph’s Picks:
- Overs: Lions, Rams and Cowboys
- Unders: Eagles, Packers and Buccaneers
Potsie’s Picks:
- Overs: Jets, Bills and Browns
- Unders: Dolphins, Colts and Giants
John Yannuzzi as Al Delvecchio – He was the grown-up, father-figure as Principal Belding last season and he assumes the same lovable role this year as Al Delvecchio. Al was also a cook and anyone who’s been to a fantasy football draft at John’s knows that he is the master of the double cooked chicken wing. Al’s picks:
- Overs: Giants, Bills and Panthers
- Unders: Chiefs, Titans and Dolphins
Kevin Pollock as Charles “Chachi” Arcola – Not sure why but this one just felt right. Perhaps it is KP’s fleeting resemblance to a young Scott Baio, their shared connection to New York, or maybe I was running out of primary characters and people to pair them with. Whichever way you cut, we have our Chachi. Interestingly enough, Al Delvecchio ends up marrying Chachi’s mother and becoming his step-father. That means that John Yannuzzi is there for you with all the fatherly advice you need Kevin. Yikes. Chachi’s picks:
- Overs: Chargers, Texans and Cardinals
- Unders: Niners, Giants and Lions
Craig Kadden as Richie Cunningham – Craig might just be the biggest climber in the TV character alter ego department. Slogging through last season as barely a regular cast member (Mike Rogers from the College Years) he jumps all the way up to big dog #2 next to Eric Burke’s Fonzie. The Locks is really not sure what brought about this rapid ascension as his performance in last year’s pool was only Richie-like in that it looked kind of silly and I wouldn’t want to be associated with it. Oh well, maybe the pool thing is not for Craig – much like acting proved to be wildly underwhelming for Ron Howard. Richie’s picks:
- Overs: Saints, Steelers and Patriots
- Unders: Buccaneers, Giants and Lions
The Absolute Locks (Tim Brons) as Mesuma “Arnold” Takahashi – A little known fact is that Arnold started off the Happy Days series as a Caucasian in Season 1 who sold the drive-in to Takahashi. However, Mesuma was too cheap to buy enough letters to change the name to Takahashi. People just kept calling him Arnold and he went with it. I’ve had a guitar instructor calling me the wrong name for three years and I still don’t have the nerve to correct him. That’s good enough for me. Arnold’s picks:
- Overs: Seahawks, Browns and Chargers
- Unders: Bengals, Dolphins and Bears
MINOR CHARACTERS AND GUEST APPEARANCES (THE NEW GUYS)
Brien Dirito as Police Officer Kirk/Army Reserve Major Kirk – This is the perfect category for Dirito as anyone who has followed his career knows he has no issue playing a “minor” character. That was just too easy and perhaps a bit too cruel. The Locks abandons any responsibility for that comment as it was “Arnold” Takahashi talking. You may not remember Kirk but he was Fonzie’s biggest antagonist and I’m sure Dirito has designs of gunning for the Fonz this season. More importantly, Kirk was known to be constantly trolling for “delinquents” and “pinkos” to bust, so he clearly has joined the right pool. I can just hear Dirito screaming "PINKO" right now. Officer Kirk's picks:
- Overs: Eagles, Lions and Panthers
- Unders: Niners, Jaguars and Colts
Mike Wasley as Mork from Ork – He comes from outer-space, at times speaks his own language (have you ever been out drinking with Waz?) and was so popular that he sparked his very own spin-off series (Mork & Mindy). Done, done and done. Welcome aboard Mike. Na-nu, Na-nu. Mork’s picks:
- Overs: Cardinals, Vikings and Patriots
- Unders: Redskins, Titans and Dolphins
Jimmy Charlesworth as Leather Tuscadero – Leather had a love for music, even forming her very own band named Leather Tuscadero and the Suedes. Jimmy now covers many of the Suedes' greatest hits when jamming at home. More importantly, she is a “former” juvenile delinquent. We’re not sure that Jimbo can assign the same “former” label to his status as a delinquent but we all know he’s trying. Leather’s picks:
- Overs: Broncos, Texans and Chargers
- Unders: Titans, Jaguars and Raiders
Alex Fyfe and Bill Fyfe as The Malachi Brothers – While Bill and Alex play father and son in real-life, the Locks’ thought it best to keep it in the family for their Happy Days counterparts. Traveling demolition derby drivers known for the infamous “Malachi Crunch,” these brothers (Bill as Count and Alex as Rocco) are fierce competitors not above a bit of sabotage to come out on top.
Count Malachi’s Picks:
- Overs: Ravens, Rams and Cardinals
- Unders: Dolphins, 49ers and Seahawks
Rocco Malachi’s Picks:
- Overs: Lions, Rams and Bills
- Unders: Giants, Colts and Bengals
Dan DeLaiarro as Joanie Cunningham – Dan sneaks in and gets the only remaining main character not assigned to a returning member of the O/U Challenge. The price he pays for that honor is that he is Joanie Cunningham. Not sure he’s going to feel real good about his initial exposure to the Locks. Not to mention that the Fonz is known to call Joanie “Shortcake” and it was the Fonz (Eric Burke) that got Dan into this pool. I’m sure that is going to do nothing but strengthen the friendship between the Eric and Dan. Joanie’s picks:
- Overs: Falcons, Jets and Texans
- Unders: Giants, Redskins and Bengals
Russell Catelli as Roger Phillips – Roger, nephew of Mr. and Mrs. C, showed up late to Happy Days and we really didn’t know anything about him. Somewhat similar to Russell and the Over/Under Challenge. Never fear, the guy who played Roger Phillips went on to become the legendary Jefferson on Married….With Children so we all know Russell is capable of big things. Roger’s picks:
- Overs: Patriots, Panthers and Chargers
- Unders: Bengals, Raiders and Buccaneers
Mike Agostino as Spike - Now I am really running out of things to write. I don't know Mike but he seems like a pretty good guy - he even put his picks in a nice box format with the O/U numbers next to each one when he sent them to me. I thought that was really going above and beyond. It was that attention to detail that saved him from being the Challenge's Pinky Tuscadero. Not sure Chachi's punk cousin is any better but at least he's a dude. Spike's picks:
- Overs: Cowboys, Steelers and Broncos
- Unders: Vikings, Panthers and Bears
Heath Loney as Pinky Tuscadero - Can't say that the Locks feels great about saddling a guy we don't know with the dreaded Pinky Tuscadero label but we've run out of characters and we've run out of competitors. For the record, Heath seems like a pretty good guy too. He just didn't put his picks in that nice box format that Mike did. It was really that close between those two. Pinky's picks:
- Overs: Patriots, Falcons and Lions
- Unders: Niners, Bengals and Buccaneers
Bill Celli as Charles "Chuck" Cunningham - Just when I thought I had pulled off the impossible and assigned a whopping 18 characters from a single television show, I get not one, but two, last minute entries. However, Bill - owner of both entries, an O/U first - got them both in under the wire so he's just as entitled to a title shot as the rest of us. Problem is, he's going to get a character that absolutely nobody knows anything about. That's right, Bill is our Charles "Chuck" Cunningham - Richie's long forgotten older brother who disappeared without explanation following Season 2. Let's hope Billy has some staying power and doesn't force us to rekindle talk of "Chuck Cunningham Syndrome" to describe an unexplained disappearance. Chuck's picks (both sets):
Team Aldo:
- Overs: Steelers, Raiders and Redskins
- Unders: Niners, Chargers and Bengals
Team Hojo:
- Overs: Buccaneers, Raiders and Titans
- Unders: Bears, Niners and Bengals
David Dirito as Lori Beth Allen Cunningham - This time I really, really thought I was done. I was quite satisfied with myself too. 20 entries, 19 characters. Not too bad if I must say so myself. Then I got what everyone who knows any better dreads: a text message from Brien Dirito. When exactly did he learn to use anything more advanced than a rotary phone? Well sure enough, he had another Dirito that wanted in and so it was back to the drawing board for the Locks, just as we crept up to the 11:00 p.m. entry deadline. The price that must be paid for a tired, and thus sloppy, Locksmith involves a handkerchief around the neck. That's right, Lori Beth Allen Cunningham has entered the building. Richie's eventual wife is sneaking in just before curfew and trying to take home a Letterman sweater and the Over/Under Challenge. At the very least, David should handily win the Battle of the Diritos. Lori Beth's picks:
- Overs: Raiders, Cardinals and Rams
- Unders: Bears, Niners and Dolphins
