A Team Misnamed and Then Mistreated

pres.tige (pre-stezh', -stej') n. 1. The level of respect at which one is regarded by others; standing.  2. Prominence, honor, or distinction. -- pres.ti'gious, adj.

world.wide (wurld'wid') adj. Involving or extending throughout the world; universal.

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but isn't this the most inappropriately named team (softball or otherwise) in the history of competitive athletics?  Perhaps these Ph.D.s and their fondness for dating/marrying pigs, believed it was opposite day when they pooled their brain power and selected this team name.  Clearly opposite day is the only way to explain how they didn't settle on a more accurate name along the lines of Dishonor Locally or Complete Lack of Distinction In Just This Immediate Area.  That said, I'm willing to bet that "Hooked on Phonics" never found its way into the living rooms of any of these geniuses.  Whatever the mistake may have been, this evening these slow adults will be made to feel the magnitude of their error.

And when it comes to errors, this crew is no stranger - on the field or off.  For starters, who holds team drinking meetings at Tahoe Joe's?  It's one thing to take the wife and kid there for a nice steak or cocktail - but entirely another to establish that location as the home of a softball team.  Strike one.  Publicly consuming fruity cocktails garnished with umbrellas?  Strike two with no fouls left.  Talking shit about a team that absolutely throttled you in your last meeting, a team that demoralized your motor-mouthed douche-bag pitcher to the point where he was either yelling or crying into his glove on the mound, a team that hung an 8-spot on you before you even picked up a bat?  Strike Fucking Three.

Instead of using this space to provide some puffed-up prediction of excellence, we'll simply offer the following: 

• A true Bushman knows what is at stake tonight.  
• A true Bushman realizes that his credibility, his manhood, his very essence has been publicly called into question by a boy sipping a lady's drink.  
• A true Bushman knows that the only way to right the wrong that has been exacted upon him is to dominate, disrespect, demoralize and debase the offending party.

So when the clock strikes 00:00 and we shift our thoughts and energy to playing one last game for the Pleasant Hill Rec Sports D League softball championship, steal a glance at the losing team and enjoy the following thought:

There is nothing prestigious about banging pigs and muffing ground balls and the only thing that will travel worldwide tonight is the stench of another disgusting display of softball delivered by the old PW. 

LOCK IT UP!