A Team Misnamed and Then Mistreated

pres.tige (pre-stezh', -stej') n. 1. The level of respect at which one is regarded by others; standing.  2. Prominence, honor, or distinction. -- pres.ti'gious, adj.

world.wide (wurld'wid') adj. Involving or extending throughout the world; universal.

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but isn't this the most inappropriately named team (softball or otherwise) in the history of competitive athletics?  Perhaps these Ph.D.s and their fondness for dating/marrying pigs, believed it was opposite day when they pooled their brain power and selected this team name.  Clearly opposite day is the only way to explain how they didn't settle on a more accurate name along the lines of Dishonor Locally or Complete Lack of Distinction In Just This Immediate Area.  That said, I'm willing to bet that "Hooked on Phonics" never found its way into the living rooms of any of these geniuses.  Whatever the mistake may have been, this evening these slow adults will be made to feel the magnitude of their error.

And when it comes to errors, this crew is no stranger - on the field or off.  For starters, who holds team drinking meetings at Tahoe Joe's?  It's one thing to take the wife and kid there for a nice steak or cocktail - but entirely another to establish that location as the home of a softball team.  Strike one.  Publicly consuming fruity cocktails garnished with umbrellas?  Strike two with no fouls left.  Talking shit about a team that absolutely throttled you in your last meeting, a team that demoralized your motor-mouthed douche-bag pitcher to the point where he was either yelling or crying into his glove on the mound, a team that hung an 8-spot on you before you even picked up a bat?  Strike Fucking Three.

Instead of using this space to provide some puffed-up prediction of excellence, we'll simply offer the following: 

• A true Bushman knows what is at stake tonight.  
• A true Bushman realizes that his credibility, his manhood, his very essence has been publicly called into question by a boy sipping a lady's drink.  
• A true Bushman knows that the only way to right the wrong that has been exacted upon him is to dominate, disrespect, demoralize and debase the offending party.

So when the clock strikes 00:00 and we shift our thoughts and energy to playing one last game for the Pleasant Hill Rec Sports D League softball championship, steal a glance at the losing team and enjoy the following thought:

There is nothing prestigious about banging pigs and muffing ground balls and the only thing that will travel worldwide tonight is the stench of another disgusting display of softball delivered by the old PW. 

LOCK IT UP!

NFL Week 3

Time to hit our NFL stride.  Week 3 is chock full of winners:

Five Star Specials:

Steelers (-3) @ Tampa Bay - The Steel Curtain brings Mr. Freeman back to earth.  Charlie Batch (gulp) does just enough to cover the spread.  Pittsburgh wins 13-6.  LOCK IT UP

Bengals (-3.5) @ Carolina - Clausen may turn things around for the Panthers, eventually.  He's in for a rude awakening on Sunday against one of the most opportunistic defenses in the league.  Look for Ced Ben to finally have a big day.   Cincy prevails 27-17.  LOCK IT UP


Four Star Specials:

Lions (+11.5) @ Minnesota - The Lions have proven to be an improved team capable of hanging in games - just ask the Eagles and Bears.  With that passing attack, how can the Vikings be giving anyone 11.5 points?  Take the points.  Final score is 24-20 Vikings.  LOCK IT UP

Cowboys (+2.5) @ Houston - If the Cowboys don't show up this week, then the Locks may bet against them every week the rest of the way.  The Texans loss of their All-Pro tackle Duane Brown weakens their line just as the Cowboys welcome a few injured O lineman back.  This is an under appreciated angle in this game.  We think Dallas wins outright, 31-27.  LOCK IT UP

Jets (+2) @ Miami - This defense is too good (even without Revis) to be underdogs in many games.  This is not one of them.  Jets win this game 24-17.  LOCK IT UP

Packers (-3) @ Chicago - We've seen a lot of analyst calling for the upset here.  We're on the other side wondering why this line is so tiny.  The Bears still have a very suspect offensive line and that is something that Dom Capers will exploit.  Pack cruises to a 31-20 victory.  LOCK IT UP

Three Star Specials:

Titans (+3) @ NY Giants - Both these teams have played one solid game and one bad game.  Not sure what to make of either one.  In that case, we'll take the points.  Giants win a nail-biter, 24-23.  LOCK IT UP

Patriots (-14.5) vs. Bills - The latest version of the Ryan Fitzpatrick era will fare just the same as the older models - miserably.  This is one big number that won't scare us off.  The Pats own the Bills, even when they aren't the leagues most dysfunctional unit.  NE crushes the spirit of people in Buffalo (assuming that any spirit remains) with a 38-13 throttling.  LOCK IT UP

Jags (+3) vs. Eagles - Forget the Vick hype.  The real story is how well the Jaguars play at home in front on empty seats masquerading as fans.  Plus, has anyone seen the Eagles defense yet this season?  Not good.  We like the home dog here, not to win outright though.  Final score is 28-27 Philly.  LOCK IT UP

Colts (-6) @ Broncos - Earlier in the week, we were prepared to take the Broncos and the points.  Then a guy on their team killed himself and then Knowshon Moreno pulled a hammy and then the secondary looked like it was going to be starting walk-on freshman and then and then and then....... I don't need any more reasons to back Peyton Manning.  Colts roll 31-14 in the Mile High.  LOCK IT UP

Ravens (-10.5) vs. Browns - Like many other folks, we've been a bit miffed by the Browns early season struggles.  Football is better when Cleveland is competitive and if you can't beat TB or KC, you're not competitive.  A victory for the Browns this week will be forcing the scoreboard operator to change the 0 next to their name.  Ravens finally get on track offensively - I'm looking at you Ray Rice.  Play like you graduated from Rutgers for Christ's Sake.  Take Baltimore in a 27-6 beating.  LOCK IT UP

Two Star Specials:

Saints (-4) vs. Falcons - People are getting a bit down on New Orleans because they've played close games the first few weeks.  So much so that they are predicting their demise this week.  Guess what.  Ain't gonna happen.  Not in the Superdome.  This is the week that Brees goes off for 400 yards and 4 TDs.  Discount him at your own peril.  Saints make a big statement at home 34-20.  LOCK IT UP.

Rams (+3.5) vs. Redskins - Sometimes we just play a hunch and take a home dog for no good reason.  The Rams are going to win some games this year and the Skins are coming off a tough loss at home.  By the way, have you noticed that Clinton Portis is stiffer than Bernie (as in Weekend at Bernie's - not Bernie Kosar)?  Steve Spagnuolo will discount the run and bring the house at McNabb.  Just enough pressure to sneak out a win.  Take the points and watch the Rams pull the upset.  Final score is St. Louie 20-17.  LOCK IT UP

Seahawks (+5) vs. Chargers - Another home dog that we've got a feeling about.  Qwest Field is one of the toughest places for visitors to play.  The Chargers are a bit overrated following a beating of a team that never really made the trip out west (what else is new with the Jags).  Seattle won't win but they'll be in this game until the end.  Take the points as Chargers squeak one out in Seattle, 30-28.  LOCK IT UP

One Star Specials:

Chiefs (+3) vs. 49ers - We're playing the contrarian here as everyone we've seen thinks the Niners will just roll in this game.  We like the home field advantage and we're not buying Alex Smith based on one drive on Monday Night Football.  Remember, we have four years of film that says that Smith is essentially Tim Couch.  Keep the magic Chiefs' train rolling.  KC wins 20-17.  LOCK IT UP

Cardinals (-4) vs. Raiders - Raiders stink.  It's amazing that Jason Campbell (Al Davis' second coming of Jim Plunkett) didn't even make it through 2 games as the Oakland starting QB.  What a mess.  Speaking of mess, the Cardinals are also playing in this game.  They stink too but they are at home and we think their defense might be a tad better than Oakland's (probably not an opinion shared by most).  Beanie Wells also looks to return and we think he helps alleviate some of the pressure on Derek Anderson.  For one week, the Cardinals quiet the calls for Kurt Warner to get kicked off of Dancing with the Stars and return to Phoenix.  Take Zona to win 24-13.  LOCK IT UP

Breakout Saturday - The Day College Acted Appropriately

After watching the Pitt Panthers put forth perhaps the most futile effort of the 2010 college football season last evening - essentially defecating upon Rule #1 and then  taking it on toilet swim Trainspotting style - it would be natural to assume that the Locks is suffering from a crisis of confidence.  Assume at your own peril.  All that Thursday night defeat did was get our single losing prognostication of the weekend out of the way early.  We're now ready to tackle this Saturday's slate of games with the same manic confidence of Ray Lewis filling a gap on the goal line.  The winners are about to come fast and furious so start making plans for your Monday morning payout pickup with your bookie of choice.

 

Five Star Special:

Stanford @ Notre Dame - Line is Stanford -4.5 - This line has been bouncing around a little bit all week.  It started at 3.5, moved up to 5 and now has settled back at 4.5.  The Locks says that it doesn't matter.  We're comfortable with this line all the way up to 7 points.  We absolutely love this game.  Stanford looks like a juggernaut on both sides of the ball and you can't look anywhere this week without seeing Mel Kiper anoint Andrew Luck as the best NFL QB prospect in the country.  The only reason this line is as small as it is is due to ND’s name.  Question: Just how much longer can these guys live on reputation?  Answer: As long as delusional ND fans are willing to lose money by backing this mediocre program.  ND has beaten an above average team in quite some time.  That feeble mark of ineptitude shall continue on Saturday.  Look for Stanford to take care of business and continue its climb up the polls.  Take Stanford and give 4.5 points.  Final score is 38-23.  LOCK IT UP.

Four Star Specials:

West Virginia @ LSU - Line is LSU -10 -  Look, we're well aware of how difficult LSU is to beat at home on Saturday night.  We're also well aware of how many times the Tigers have absolutely killed the Locks' gambling mojo over the past few years.  There is no one player that we have pulled for more and - in turn - been disappointed by on a daughter going into porn level than LSU QB Jordon Jefferson.  At this point, we think Mr. Jefferson's white neighbor (Harry Bentley for those of you in the know) - who is dead, incidentally, would give the LSU offensive more of a spark.  

For an offense that can't move the ball, 10 points is just too big of a line.  Don't forget that WVU is no slouch (though they have also killed the Locks at an extraordinary rate in recent seasons).  They have a great RB (Noel Devine) and solid QB (Gino Smith).  That is enough to control their share of the game clock and keep this game close.  Do we think the mighty LSU will be beaten in the swamp on Saturday night? Probably not.  Will they blowout the Mountaineers?  Absolutely not.  Take WVU and the 10 points.  Final score is 24-20.  LOCK IT UP.   

UCLA @ Texas - Line is Texas -15.5 - Before any of you nitwits get yourself worked up into a frenzy about the Bruins blowout of the Houston Cougars last week and their "dynamic" pistol offense, I must warn you to settle down.  Sure we picked against UCLA last week and got knocked around like a fat nerd at recess.  That said, the Bruins beat up on a Houston team that is notorious for not playing well against teams outside of its pathetic conference.  Plus, Houston had to play a majority of the game with its third string freshman QB.  Let's get some perspective.  UCLA still stinks to high heaven and they won't have the home crowd on a nationally televised game to pick them up this week.  Texas will not be confused by the pistol and this should be the weak that the Longhorns' offense finally gets on track.  We're expecting that UT is ready to put a fat nerd recess beating on someone.  Watch out UCLA, this Saturday you are a fat nerd at recess - wearing an ALF t-shirt.  Take Texas, give points (15.5).  Final score is 41-17.  LOCK IT UP 

Three Star Specials:

Alabama @ Arkansas - Line is Bama -7 - There is a ton of chatter this week about the Razorbacks and their chances for knocking off #1.  Thus is the 24-hour sports media hype machine.  They need something outrageous to talk about and we file the possibility of Arkansas winning this game under the label of Outrageous.  Look, the hogs are a good team and Ryan Mallet is continuing to demonstrate why he is one of the best QBs in the country.  However, should we really be that impressed with a team that needed a last minute TD to knock off a reeling Georgia team and who has otherwise only beaten Tennessee Tech and Louisiana Monroe?  This is Alabama we're talking about.  The clear-cut best team in the country even as it plays without some of its best players.  Bama gets healthier each week as All-Americans return to its lineup.  They will get challenged at some point along the way this year, but this week is way too obvious of a potential "upset" for Alabama to come out flat or disinterested.  We just don't see this game being all that close once the clock runs out.  The Arkansas crowd may carry the Razorbacks for a quarter or two but far superior talent will win out in this one.  Take Bama and give the 7 points.  Final score is 48-28.  LOCK IT UP.

Oregon State @ Boise State We've waited a few weeks to unleash the Theorem this season but it feels like the time is right.  For those uninitiated of you out there, the Theorem posits that Boise State will cover any line, no matter how large.  The primary tenet of this theorem is the proposition that Boise State must always prove to its critics that it belongs with the big boys.  The only way to do this when you play a sub-par schedule is to throttle your opponents.  Whereas top teams from power conferences may be content sitting on a 24 point lead in the 3rd quarter and thus not cover a big spread, Boise State has the accelerator on the floor for four full quarters, week in and week out.  We're never scared of a big number when it comes to the Broncos - even if those shifty Rodgers brothers are on the opposing team.  Oregon State is one of the best teams that Boise will play this year and that is all the more reason for the Theorem to be at work.  An impressive win here erases any speculation about the Va Tech win in week 1 and puts everyone on notice.  Plus, they're playing on the Blue Turf.  You have no choice but to subscribe to the Theorem.  Take BSU and give 18.5 points.  Final score is 45-23.  LOCK IT UP.

Two Star Specials:

Eastern Michigan @ Ohio State - Line is Ohio State -44.5 - We love Ohio State and have supported them each week this season.  We still love them and think that they will demolish Eastern Michigan.  That said, unlike the Boise State-Oregon State game, this contest plays as an anti-Theorem battle.  Will Ohio State be up by 44.5 points during this game.  Yes.  Will Eastern Michigan be demoralized?  Double Yes.  However, it is the final score that matters here, not the score at the half.  Ohio State is not a team interested in embarrassing its opponents by running up the score - they never have been.  So expect to see the third string Buckeyes getting snaps as early as the third quarter.  This opens the door for some garbage time points from Eastern Michigan.  44.5 is a tremendous number of points to cover in football.  You need to play pretty much flawlessly and have an opponent not be able to do anything.  Even then, a fluke play here or there and you don't cover.  We're betting that Ohio State calls off the dogs early enough to allow the Eagles to bust this spread.  Take Eastern Michigan and all of those points.  Final score is 51-10.  LOCK IT UP   

California @ Arizona - Line is Arizona -6.5 - We're trying to not overreact too much to last week's Iowa-Arizona game.  In fact, with such an impressive performance, Arizona is bound for a letdown this week.  However, we were just too impressed with this Arizona team.  Playmakers all over the field, on both sides of the ball and special teams.  A crowd that hopefully was not a one-game wonder.  Even when Iowa clawed all the way back into last week's game and had all the momentum, the crowd and the Cats stayed poised and marched down the field against an elite defense.  Very impressive.  What is not impressive is California's patented move of demolished cupcakes in the season's opening weeks, teasing its fans into thinking they can play ball and then getting absolutely smoked by decent teams.  This problem is especially acute on the road.  They'll keep this close for a while as Arizona works to combat the potential letdown.  However, once the second half kicks off, Cal will seem as if it is already on the bus back to Berkeley.  Take Jocks (Arizona) over the Nerds (Cal) and you can even give limp-wristed Lamar and his cronies 6.5 points.  Final score is 40-23.  LOCK IT UP

The Debut of College Football Rule #1

It's taken us two weeks to finally concede that the Locks' college football gambling Rule #1 is just about as fool-proof as it gets.  For those new comers or regulars with short term memory issues due to excessive drug use, Rule #1 states that you take the points offered to a home underdog in a nationally televised Thursday night game.  This rule proved insanely profitable last season and is off to an excellent start already this year (just ask Cincinnati).  More often than not, these nationally televised games are viewed as the biggest game of the year for these home dogs and, more importantly, their inebriated student sections.  The result is a team playing way over its head, a raucous crowd presenting unique problems for the road favorite and some good old fashioned home town bounces.  So, armed with the sense of invulnerability that is offered by Rule #1, were provide Week 4s first Absolute Lock:

Four Star Special:

Miami @ Pittsburgh - Line is Miami -4 - The fact that Miami is the road favorite in this game makes us feel even better about Rule #1 - if that was even possible.  Has there been a team in recent years more associated with unbelievable letdowns in games they were supposed to win handily (you're lucky I can't see you right now LSU and Georgia Tech)?  Jacory Harris better be careful or the stink of that underachieving label may never scrub off your legs and right arm.  Pittsburgh, on the other hand, is a tough blue collar team with an elite RB and a coach that has been steadily making progress with this program.  Pitt is eager to erase the taste of feces that lingers from its season opening OT loss at Utah (also on Thursday night).  Fortunately for them, ESPN provides the Panthers and the fans the opportunity to do just that tonight.  From the Locks' perspective, these are fairly evenly matched teams.  As such, Rule #1 guides this entire decision.  Pitt may not win but if they don't, they'll keep it tighter than four points.  Take the Panthers and the points.  Thank the Locks and Rule #1.  Final score is 28-27 PITTSBURGH!!!!   LOCK IT UP!!  

NFL Week 2 Picks

5 Star Special:

Packers (-13) over Bills

4 Star Specials:

Vikings (-5.5) over Dolphins
Panthers (-3.5) over Buccaneers
Jets (+3) over Patriots
Saints (-5) over 49ers

3 Star Specials:

Bengals (+2.5) over Ravens
Cowboys (-7.5) over Bears
Lions (+6.5) over Eagles
Giants (+5) over Colts
Chargers (-7) over Jaguars


2 Star Specials:

Cardinals (+6.5) over Falcons
Steelers (+5) over Titans
Redskins (+3) over Texans
Seahawks (+3.5) over Broncos

1 Star Specials:

Browns (-2) over Chiefs
Rams (+3.5) over Raiders

Make Your Real Money on Saturday

It's Friday.  We've got a job.  We've got shit to do.  Yet Absolute Locks won't write itself.  So we've reassessed my priorities and proudly present you with your Week 3 college football winners and the common thread for nearly all of these picks makes me cringe (road favorites - YIKES):

5 Star Special:

Iowa @ Arizona - Line is a Pick Em - For the second week in a row we're featuring the Iowa Hawkeyes in our 5 star special.  Amazing to the Locks, this line has move quite a bit in recent days.  In fact, we locked in our wager yesterday when Iowa was still a 1.5 point favorite.  We're kicking ourselves for that now but love this pick even more with the Hawkeyes only needing to win outright.  Iowa's defense is absolutely nasty, it can run the ball on anyone and it has a competent, experienced QB.  If those are the keys to winning college football games, then I don't know what I think I know.  Arizona is a solid squad with a potentially explosive offense.  They are also playing at home.  These facts must account for the line movement.  That said, if any team can come into this hostile territory and not be rattled, it is the battle-tested, even-keel Iowa Hawkeyes.  We absolutely love Iowa to win this game.  Take Iowa.  Final score is 27-21.  LOCK IT UP!


4 Star Specials:

Nebraska @ Washington - Line is Nebraska -3 - We really must have a death wish as we're suggesting backing another road favorite in a venue that is notoriously difficult for visitors.  The UW fans will be obnoxiously loud as usual and Jake Locker will be looking to make his first definitive Heisman statement of the year.  All that aside, Bo has his Huskers back to being a team that others should not want to face.  The defensive line of Nebraska will slow the Washington running game and put Jake in a Hurt Locker for most of this game.  The dynamic Nebraska offense should also have no trouble putting up points against a defense that allowed the lowly Syracuse Orange to throw up a quick 10 spot on them last week.  We like the Cornhuskers to head west and claim a big victory.  Take Nebraska but buy .5 points to get this thing under a FG.  Huskers (-2.5).  Final score 34-31 Nebraska. LOCK IT UP!

Houston @ UCLA - Line is Houston -3.5 - We're not hesitating to support a Houston team that may be without its Heisman candidate QB Case Keenum and which almost always disappoints when it plays against big conference opponents.  Why are we doing this you might ask?  Because UCLA is the equivalent of Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking.  This team just got absolutely throttled at home vs. conference rival Stanford.  If they can't get up for that game, then why on earth would we expect they could hang with another Top 25 team.  Granted Keenum might be out with concussion symptoms but this Houston team has actually found a viable running game.  There is nothing viable about Rick Neuheisel and the Bruins.  Buy half a point here as well.  Move the line to Houston (-3) and take the boys from Texas.  The Bruins are in ruin.  Final score is 38-31.  LOCK IT UP!

3 Star Specials:

Florida @ Tennessee - Line is Florida -14 - This game being played in Knoxville can be the only justification for this ridiculously small line.  Florida is ready to finally put a complete game together and show that they are not a middle-of-the-pack team in the SEC.  More importantly, Tennessee is an obscenely young and wildly thin team.  Sure, they might keep this competitive for a half but once the middle of the 3rd quarter rolls around, the Volunteers will be looking for volunteers to take some reps for them.  At that point, the Gators will drop the hammer and run away with this thing.  Don't overlook the fact that Tennessee also got brutally whipped last week at home by Oregon.  We're not sure this team has what it takes to rebound very quickly from that humiliation.  Take F-L-A and give the 2 TDs.  Final score is 45-24.  LOCK IT UP!

USC @ Minnesota - Line is USC -12 - This is a game that can make us look really silly.  USC hasn't shown a whole lot to be impressed with yet this year and many are questioning if their heart is even in this season of bowl ineligibility.  The Locks, for one, think the Trojans will start to fire on all cylinders one of these weeks and really turn some heads around the country.  We're willing to bet this is the week that Lane Kiffin gets a full game out of his team.  Minnesota has another one of those beautiful new stadiums that make it tough on visitors but they just don't have the talent to hang in this one.  The Locks would also like to take this opportunity to remind you of our week 1 prediction that USC's RB Marc Tyler will be one the season's breakout stars.  Look for a big game from Dr. Tyler on Saturday.  Take the Trojans to butcher the Golden Gophers.  Lay the 12 points.  Final score is 48-27.  LOCK IT UP!

Clemson @ Auburn - Line is Auburn -7 - Well I'll be dipped, the Locks finally likes a home team this week.  Let's hope this is the right home team to like.  As Friend of the Locks, Mark Borton knows all too well, the Locks loves this Auburn team.  We can't quite put our finger on why but we do.  They're tough.  They're often overlooked in the talent-heavy SEC.  They play a tough-hitting, angry defense and now finally have a legitimate talent at QB.  Those all seem like decent reasons to love them.  Then there is a Clemson, a team that has done nothing but disappoint the Locks in big spots over the past few seasons.  Plus, we'll take SEC over ACC every day of the week.  Especially when those little ACC humps are coming into SEC country.  We are going to buy half a point here to get this under a TD.  The game will be competitive but Auburn will finish the job.  Take Auburn -6.5.  Final score is 27-20.  LOCK IT UP!

2 Star Specials:

Alabama @ Duke - Line is Bama -24
Notre Dame @ Michigan State - Line is MSU -3.5

We're lumping these two games together because the same gambling philosophy is at work in each of them.  That philosophy involves continuing to bet a specific angle until it fails, regardless of what you think of the specific game.  In the Bama game, the specific angle is that Bama is so much better than its opponents that it will continue to cover regardless of the line (a bastard child of the Boise State Theorem).  Until they prove otherwise, we'll continue to ride the Tide (did we mention that Bama's backup RB benches 475 pounds and complains that the strength coach won't let him find out how much he can really throw up? Ridiculous).  As for the Irish, the philosophy is very simple.  They aren't as good as Vegas gives them credit for and never figures out how to come out on the right side of the number.  Essentially, you can always make money betting against them.  We wanted to pick against them last week vs. Michigan and got gun shy.  We won't make that mistake again this week.  We'll keep fighting against ND until they prove us wrong.  Take Bama and MSU and lay the points in both games.  Final scores are 48-17 Bama; 31-27 MSU.  LOCK EM UP!

No More Monkey Business

The proverbial calm before the storm is upon our 70's Style Bushes.  We have essentially two bye weeks in play before our first playoff game in a long time.  What, you want to warn me against taking the Inept Monkeys too lightly this evening?  Save it, I retort.  We all know these Impotent Monkeys have mentally checked out of this season many weeks ago.  Just look at this photographic evidence I recently uncovered:

These Monkeys have greater interests these days then playing softball (not that I can say I disapprove of their behavior).  THE MONKEYS ARE WHAT WE THINK THEY ARE!

What tonight boils down to is the Bush making the most of an opportunity to tune up heading into the playoffs.  A chance to wash away the acidic taste of last week's meager effort against the wannabe Sopranos from Bada Bing.  An invitation to build momentum with the sticks and gloves as potential October glory dances on the horizon.  An opening to send a message to the Hit N Runs, Prestige Worldwides and Bada Bings of the world that the summer league championship runs through our 70s Style Bush.  Regardless of whether that Bush is nappy and unkempt or shampooed and towel-dried, it will have a say in the manner in which this season ends.

So for one game, the Locks makes no prediction of success for the Bush or those battle tested warriors that comprise its roster.  For the outcome tonight is not in question.  IT NEVER HAS BEEN!  Guys like Matt Hussey, John Gilganis and Brien Dirito were born (some much longer ago than others) for this moment.  Guys like Matt Bucci, Tim Crvarich, Kevin Pollock and Bobby Carini were conceived with this in mind.  Guys like John Yannuzzi, Burt Ritz, Troy Neves and Kevin Fordon were brought into this world for this express purpose.  Guys like Sean Greche, Matt Scerri and Tim Brons having been meandering through their whole lives on a path that leads right to this moment. 

The Bush goes into the playoffs with attitude.  

The Bush goes into the playoffs with moxie.

 

The Bush goes into the playoffs with purpose.  

The Bush goes into the playoffs carrying the scalp of an ANGRY MONKEY!  

NFL Week 1 Picks

The big boys get into full swing this Sunday with a total of 13 games on the docket.  Then we have 2 more contests on Monday night.  Since this is week 1 and we don't yet have a whole lot of information to analyze, the Locks will just give its predictions without much chatter.  Here are your 15 winners for Sunday, September 12 and Monday, September 13.

5 Star Specials:

Cleveland @ Tampa Bay - Line is TB -3 - Take Cleveland +3.  LOCK IT UP

Indianapolis @ Houston - Line is Indy -1.5 - Take Colts and lay points.  LOCK IT UP


4 Star Specials:

Miami @ Buffalo - Line is Miami -3 - Take Dolphins and give points.  LOCK IT UP

Detroit @ Chicago - Line is Bears -6.5 - Take the points.  Lions +6.5.  LOCK IT UP

Green Bay @ Philadelphia - Line is Packers -3 - Green Bay covers.  Take Pack -3.  LOCK IT UP
 
3 Star Specials:

Carolina @ NY Giants - Line is Giants -6 - Take the points.  Panthers +6.  LOCK IT UP

Cincinnati @ New England - Line is NE -5 - We like the road dog here - take Cincy +5.  LOCK IT UP

Oakland @ Tennessee - Line is Titans -6 - Take Tennessee and lay the points.  LOCK IT UP
 
San Francisco @ Seattle - Line is Niners -3 - We like the favorite.  Take 49ers and lay 3.  LOCK IT UP 
 

2 Star Specials:

Dallas @ Washington - Line is Cowboys -3.5 - Take the home dog.  Washington +3.5.  LOCK IT UP

San Diego @ Kansas City - Line is Chargers -4.5 - Lay the points and take SD.  LOCK IT UP

Baltimore @ NY Jets - Line is Jets -2.5 - Take these points and go with the Ravens +2.5.  LOCK IT UP

 
1 Star Specials:

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh - Line is Falcons -1.5 - We like Atlanta -1.5.  LOCK IT UP

Denver @ Jacksonville - Line is Jaguars -3 - Take the home team here.  Jacksonville -3.  LOCK IT UP 

Arizona @ St. Louis - Line is Cardinals -3.5 - We'll go with Arizona here and give 3.5.  LOCK IT UP

College Football Rolls Out Some Big Time Showdowns in Week 2

This is as good of a week of college football this early in the season that we can remember in quite some time.  There is a total of four games matching teams in the Top 25 and an assortment of other fascinating rivalry games.  On top of everything, the Locks is rolling out its first 5 star special of the season.  We're sticking with some quick hit thoughts on each game instead of the usual in-depth breakdown.  Good luck.

5 Star Special:

Iowa State @ Iowa - Line is Iowa -13.5 - Hawkeyes at home look to roll in-state rival.  Iowa State hasn't had much recent luck against Iowa.  Iowa defensive is very stout, QB is experienced and game tested and star running back is due to make his return following a missed season due to injury.  Iowa State is not very good.  Hawkeyes roll at home.  Lay the points.  Take Iowa -13.5.  Final score is 30-13.  LOCK IT UP.

4 Star Specials:

Georgia Tech @ Kansas - Line is GT -14 - Kansas scored three points last week and lost at home to North Dakota State.  That says enough right there.  GT has one of the toughest offenses to prepare for and defend against.  They'll churn up yardage on the ground and smack the Gayhawks in the pants.  Lay the points.  Take the Rambling Wreck -14.  Final score is 41-17.  LOCK IT UP


Syracuse @ Washington - Line is Washington -13 - This line is way too small.  The Cuse is traveling all the way across the country and that doesn't usually work well even for good teams.  Syracuse is not a good team despite what Orange fans might think following last week's thrashing of atrocious Akron.  Jake Locker will bounce back from a sub par opener to exploit the virtually talentless Orange D.  This one is never, ever close.  Take the Huskies and give 13 points.  Final score is 45-20.  LOCK IT UP

Penn State @ Alabama - Line is Bama -12.5 - The Locks is all over the favorites this week.  Penn State is starting a freshman QB in Tuscaloosa.  That is not going to go well.  Despite missing two of its best players, Bama will still demonstrate just how big the talent discrepancy is between the SEC and Big 10.  The Nitzy Lions are overrated by Vegas once again.  The country's #1 team plays like it and wins emphatically.  Take Alabama and give 12.5.  Final score is 37-20.  LOCK IT UP

3 Star Specials:

Georgia @ South Carolina - Line is South Carolina -3 - Playing a gut feel on this one.  Georgia typically starts seasons slowly and builds momentum in November.  South Carolina is coming off an impressive opener and seems to have quite a strong belief in itself.  Home field will be big in this SEC smackdown.  We like the Cocks to win on a late FG.  That is why we recommend buying half a point.  Take SC at -2.5 with the .5 point purchase.  Final score is 31-28.  LOCK IT UP

Florida State @ Oklahoma - Line is Oklahoma -7 - Here's our first instance of taking the points.  In fact, we think Christian Ponder has a chance to sneak into Okie and steal the W.  FSU is talented and fast and finally regaining its Bobby Bowden form from the 90s.  Oklahoma was a bit exposed last week and we're not ready to buy Landry Jones as a big-time QB just yet.  Win or lose, the Seminoles keep this within a TD.  Take FSU +7.  Cue the upset!  Final score is 35-34 with FSU on top.  LOCK IT UP

Stanford @ UCLA - Line is Stanford -6 - Andrew Luck looks pretty darn close to an NFL ready QB and now that Toby Gerhart is in the big leagues, he'll get the chance to show it every week.  UCLA is a broken program on the fast track to nowhere.  Stanford hasn't won down South in quite some time but that changes on Saturday.  Take the Cardinals and their drunken tree mascot and give the 6.  Final score is 34-17.  LOCK IT UP

2 Star Specials:

Idaho @ Nebraska - Line is Nebraska -28 - Another long road trip for a big underdog.  Nebraska is fully back from the wasteland that was Cornhusker football a few years ago.  This team has one of the best defensive lineman in the country (following in the shoes of Mr. Suh) and is quickly turning into one of the most powerful offensive juggernauts in the land.  Idaho is and has none of the above.  This will not be a game worth watching unless you enjoy seeing nerds from Idaho being tormented.  Take the Huskers, lay the points and laugh.  Final score is 51-17.  LOCK IT UP.

Miami @ Ohio State - Line is Ohio State -8.5 - It greatly pains the Locks to list this as only a 2 star game.  That is how much we really, really like this OSU team.  The defensive is tough and experienced.  The running game is deep and powerful.  Terrelle Pryor is turning into a stud before our eyes.  This team is awesome.  That said, Miami puts just enough fear in our hearts that we get a bit shaky on this game.  Miami is fast and athletic.  They have another one of the country's most electrifying QBs in Jacory Harris.  He can take over a game in a blink of an eye.  Plus, this current Miami team is dead serious about avenging the 2003 National Championship game loss to OSU for all those former criminals from the U.  I think this is a great and wildly entertaining game.  At the end, I think OSU pulls it out and covers what is a bit a of a large line.  That said, this game will be close for most of the action.  We'll sheepishly take OSU and lay the 8.5 points.  Final score is 27-17.  LOCK IT UP

2010 NFL Over/Under Challenge - It's On

With the deadline for submissions having passed us by, it is time to pull back the Wizard of Oz curtain on all the soothsaying hopefuls and the picks that they believe will carry them to the promised land.  If you have entered the challenge, then the following knuckleheads (as represented by members of the Saved by the Bell cast) are your competition:

Tim Crvarich (Defending Champion) as A.C. Slater - After posting a perfect 6-0 record last season, Timmy C is the state wrestling champ that we are all longing to be.  Slater's Picks:

• Overs: Packers, Texans, Raiders
• Unders: Bears, Jaguars, Broncos

Adam Yannuzzi as Zack Morris - This slick-talker will get what he wants from you without you even knowing its happening.  Also thinks he's a bit cooler than he actually is.  Zack's Picks:

• Overs: Browns, Broncos, 49ers
• Unders: Rams, Chargers, Bears

John Yannuzzi as Principal Belding - The group elder tries to distribute advice and valuable life lessons but you'd be best served to just smile, nod and ignore what he says - just like with these following picks:

• Overs: Lions, Raiders, Bengals
• Unders: Panthers, Chargers, Seahawks

Kevin Pollock as Kelly Kapowski - On the surface, she's the All-American girl with all the right values.  Then she moves on to 90210 (or in KP's case: Thursday night) and we see just how bad the choices she makes can be:  Exhibit A: Kelly's Picks:

• Overs: Bears, Cardinals, Ravens
• Unders: 49ers, Chargers, Falcons

Mark Borton as Lisa Turtle - Talkative and trendy, Lisa just wants everyone to idolize her.  How else can you explain Borton's early adoption of Rollerblades in the mid-80s?  Little Lisa's Picks:

• Overs: 49ers, Dolphins, Chargers
• Unders: Cardinals, Texans, Steelers

Eric Burke as Screech Powers - Quiet and brainy, Screech is the nerd you never see coming until it's too late.  Just ask Lisa Turtle, uh, I mean Mark Borton.  Screech's Picks:

• Overs: Jets, Titans, Packers
• Unders: Bills, Chargers, Panthers

Craig Kadden as Mike Rogers (Bob Golic in the College Years) - An animated guy who loves to talk sports.  He comes to the group a bit late but that doesn't dampen his enthusiasm for participation.  Mike's Picks:

• Overs: Patriots, Packers, 49ers
• Unders: Jaguars, Bears, Broncos

Bobby Carini as Max (proprietor of "The Max") - This was the only character left that I could find a picture for so there wasn't much choice involved in this selection.  Hopefully Bobby's picks earn him a bit more respect than the photo below.

• Overs: 49ers, Ravens, Raiders
• Unders: Giants, Panthers, Cardinals

 
The Absolute Locks as Jessie Spano - The mental case who overestimates her talents and ends up dancing topless in Showgirls.  Enough said.  The Locks:

• Overs: Cardinals, Packers, Saints
• Unders: Buccaneers, Jaguars, Rams

It's Christmas in September

Welcome to the first of many postings in which the Locks insists it knows everything there possibly is to know about the NFL.  Like this time every year, we're convinced that we'll hit 70% of all the NFL games vs. the spread, be discovered by Steve Wynn and be invited to come run the sportsbooks at all of his Vegas casinos, while hosting a handicapping cable show similar to De Niro in Casino.  That is until the inevitable 4-12 week 2 performance including several inconceivable upsets which cause us to reconsider all the time wasted on picking the outcomes of games that we're not even actually betting on and publicly demonstrating just how little we actually do know on this two-bit blog.  Oh the joys of new beginnings.  Here's to starting off the season 1-0 
 
3 Star Special:


Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints - Line is Saints -5 - No defending Super Bowl champion has lost a season opener in nearly a decade.  Brett Favre is moving around like Verbal Kint and should have the game stamina of the actress from Precious.  The Vikings best "healthy" receiver needs to lay down at times because his head hurts.  Did I mention that the Saints have Drew Brees and an offense reminiscent of the 2007 Patriots or the Warner/Faulk/Bruce/Holt St. Louis Rams?  Throw in a raucous crowd in the Big Easy that only sees good things happen in its city the eight times the Saints play at home each year and you have the makings of a game that the Vikings can't possibly win.

Sure there are a few red flags: Favre is still Favre and he may pull a vintage Verbal Kint move and magically start walking  normally at the most dramatic possible time.  The Saints are a bit banged up on D so the odds are that they will give up some points.  The Locks sees a big, big year from Adrian Peterson (yes, he's on our fantasy team).  The Vikings have the league's best defensive front 7.  However, you can take all those red flags and make Precious a Mu Mu tonight.  This is Saints football in the Superdome.  Brees just will not allow folks to return to the Bayou without a W, and a convincing one at that.  Take the Saints and lay the points (-5).  New Orleans wins 34-21.  LOCK IT UP!

BONUS PICK:  Play the over as another obvious win here.  Both defenses are a bit nicked up.  The Saints are firing on all cylinders already on offense and the Vikings will need to urgently throw up points to keep this game close.  The number is 48.5 and it will be over, comfortably.  LOCK IT UP!

Two men enter one man leave....

The following is the first in a potential series of guest contributions to Absolute Locks.  This post comes courtesy of Burt Ritz.   Enjoy.

In what promises to be a prelude of things to come in the not so distant playoff picture, the Bushmen face their stiffest competition in a "technically" undefeated Bada Bing team.  Further, it is not without a coincidental twist of fate that the only blemish on the Bush's otherwise stellar record is at the hands of Bada Bing - who would no doubt derive great comfort in defeating the Bush in a repeat affair.  However, the white-hot Bushmen are poised to deny them that satisfaction.

After steamrolling mediocre teams in the first half of the season, the Bush were still regarded by league pundits as an untested team, having lacked solid victories over top tier teams.  However, a tough schedule rounding out the final games of the season, afforded the Bush the opportunity to test their mettle and silence the critics.  With the complete obliteration of Worldwide Prestige in week eight and a late game dismantling of Hit and Run in week nine, the Bush have made their mark on the league and have proven that they are deserving of not only a playoff spot, but another nickel plated trophy that will the have the local Stadium Pub as its final resting place.

At the outset, the Bush was still knocking off the barnacles leftover from the previous season.  But unlike week one in which Bada Bing faced a rusty Bush squad, they will instead encounter a well oiled machine.  After last week's showing, it is as if the Bush has been training in the Siberian snow with only revenge to sustain them throughout the season.  Indeed, it would not be surprising to see a flummoxed Bada Bing team in the seventh inning sharing the same commentary of a defeated Ivan Drago as they bellow, "They are made of steel..."

To ensure this outcome, however, the Bush should not underestimate Bada Bing.  The Bada Bing has a potent offense with a deep bench of precise hitters punctuated with the occasional deep threat.  Furthermore, the precision of Bada Bing hitting is equally matched by its consistency.  Nonetheless, Bada Bing can be beaten, provided that their vulnerabilities are properly exploited.  As an obvious measure to neutralize the Bada Bing hitting machine, the Bushmen must once again come up big on the defensive front.  A strong defense (arguably the best in the league) has been the bedrock of the Bush's winning strategy, although the Bushmen will not be able to secure victory on defense alone - they will have to sustain hitting momentum through a series of well executed base knocks.

After last week's pistol show, the Bush will take the gloves off this week with the long range artillery.  Underpinned by a hitting trinity in K-Fordon, Timmy C and Matt Scerri, expect a strategic bombing campaign with big hitters Bobby C. and Matt Hussey.  A sleeping giant will awaken as Jimmy Charlesworth unleashes the dragon with a peppering of hard hit balls to left field.  We can also anticipate rally resuscitation from the likes of John Y, John G. and T-Roy, who have been exceedingly efficient at hitting them when they count.  It also wouldn't be a complete Bush game without a gingerly swing from B. Dirito, who manages to hit the ball just far enough to clear the infield.  The Bush can also count on the intensity of pitcher K. Pollock, the defensive lynch pin that will smother the opposition's attempts at any offensive showing.  Finally, the Bush can rest assured in having the ultimate versatility in Matt Bucci, who will undoubtedly have his Big 5 swishy pants hiked up so high that it would make Steve Urkel mad with envy.

While the playoffs are all but guaranteed for the Bush, one should not discount the importance of the upcoming showdown with the Bada Bing.  At stake is the top seed spot for the Playoffs - and more importantly, the best record of the regular season.  Expect this epic struggle to be a back and forth battle ending with a late game thriller.  Bring your eye patches and chainsaws, this is going to be a 10-8 70's style victory at the Thunderdome...

College Gambling Tutorial: The Art of Buying Points

As we move on to the first Saturday of college football, there is a major theme enveloping each of the Locks' picks: buying points.  Often times - especially in the college game with its large point spreads - buying points is really nothing more than a waste of money.  That said, there are some magic number point spreads that allow you to move onto the right side of the line at the cost of just a few dollars from your winnings.  Whether it is getting a favorite down to under a TD spread or buying an extra half of a point to get a dog clear of a FG line, buying points can prove an excellent strategy.  It just so happens that all five of the games we're profiling for Saturday fit the bill for point purchase.

4 Star Special:

Oregon State @ TCU - Line is TCU -13.5 - We're not going to go on a rant here about TCU being overrated or the fact that there schedule is so weak that they'll look like a very good team this year no matter how well they play or the fact that many of the people touting TCU don't even know what TCU stands for.  No, when it comes to this game, the Locks is here to simply call attention to a Vegas line that is way too complimentary of the current TCU squad.  If this were an 8 point game, we'd be all over the Horned Frogs.  Yet, at nearly 2 touchdowns (at we'll get it there by buying points) this line is out of whack.  Oregon State is a legitimate football team as evidenced by its own top 25 ranking and Jacquizz Rodgers is someone who can absolutely take over a game and make a good defense look mediocre.  At the very least, Jacquizz and his brother will keep the Beavers within striking distance in this game.  For added comfort, the Locks suggest that you buy 1 full point and get this line to the point where OSU is getting 14.5 points.  That will prove enough cushion for a nice win.  Take Oregon State with those 14.5 points.  Final score looks like 31-20 TCU.  LOCK IT UP.

3 Star Specials:

Connecticut @ Michigan - Line is Michigan -3 - Keep it Simple Stupid with this game.  UConn is underrated outside of the northeast.  They are a tough, physical football team that plays (and often wins) hard fought, close games.  Michigan is overrated everywhere.  They often start seasons very slow (remember that Appalachian State game a few years back?).  They can't even decide on a starting QB.  This line is based on Michigan hype, not talent.  We like UConn to go into Ann Arbor and win outright.  However, to enhance our chances for a W, let's buy .5 points so that we win even if Michigan kicks a late game-winning field goal.  Take UConn with a line bought to 3.5 points.  Same old story in Michigan as they lose a home opener 24-23.  LOCK IT UP

UNC vs. LSU (Neutral Field) - Line is LSU -7 - One of the most talked about games of the week because nobody has known how many Carolina players would actually be able to suit up.  Well now we know that 12 Tar Heels are banned from this game including several key members of the defense.  Not the way a team with big expectations wants to kick off a year.  While we don't love LSU (we've been waiting for Jordan Jefferson to harness his talents for 3 years now), if this is a game that they can't win with some ease, then they are in for a long SEC campaign.  A depleted UNC team that has had a week of complete uncertainly leading up to this game just can't hang in this one.  To be safe, we're buying half a point to get the line down to LSU -6.5.  The Tigers should take care of business, pleasing us and fans like this broad.  Final score is 27-17 with LSU on top.  LOCK IT UP

2 Star Special:

Washington State @ Oklahoma State - Line is Oklahoma State -17 - While the Locks views Okie State as a decent football and someone who may make a modest amount of noise in the Big 12, this prediction is all about Washington State.  WSU might just be the first major conference D1 football team in the country.  They are just that bad.  Had this line been OSU - 28, we wouldn't have batted an eye.  Take a vomit-inducing Pac-10 team and drop them on campus in the Big 12 and things will not go well.  The only thing left to do is buy another .5 points to move this line onto the right side of -17 and we're good to go.  Take Oklahoma State -16.5 to roll in this one, 45-20.  LOCK IT UP

1 Star Special:

Syracuse @ Akron - Line is SU -7.5 - This is nothing more than an obligatory pick based on the Locks' affiliation with the Orange.  Currently, the Cuse football program is in complete disarray - and by disarray we mean that they suck.  However, they are playing at team named Akron and if the Orange can find a way to win this game somewhat handily, they might just compete with Washington State for the title of worst major conference D1 football program.  What is interesting is that there appears to be a ton of action on Akron in this game.  The line has move from SU -9 down to SU -7.5 in less than 24 hours.  That might tell you all you need to know about this game and may demonstrate why the biased Locks should never pick a CuseCuse isn't a TD better than Akron than Jim Boeheim might have to take over the football squad.  Buy a full point in this game to get the Cuse down to a 6.5 point favorite and hope that there is still some football pride in Onondaga County.  Take SU -6.5 to win an ugly game, 24-17.  LOCK IT UP

Hopefully this guy won't be calling plays for SU football anytime soon....

Locks Knocks College Football Off Front Page, Really?

We're keeping tonight's Pleasant Hill Rec Sports Softball preview short and sweet tonight following last week's historic performance by 70's Style Bush (unquestionably the best all-around Bush game ever)!

It appears that the Bush has shown that this is a different team from last season.  The effort against Prestige and their jackass pitcher last week was indisputable.  This team wants to win, knows what it takes to win and won't let up until the Umps call it a win.  The team now has a bit of breathing room for a playoff spot (not clinched but some room) so we'll really see tonight how much this group values each and every game.  A letdown would not be shocking so 70's will need to come back out with a chip on its shoulder against the team the Locks has pegged as the best in the league (yup, better than Bada).  Hit and Run will be our toughest test of the season, hands down.  So what exactly will happen tonight?

• KP throws his vast collection of junk and keeps the hitters off balance just enough.  
• The outfield plays its finest defensive game of the year against a team that constantly ropes line drives.  
• Bobby hits bombs.  
• Bush stays hungry (and hairy).  
• Hit and Run cries a little bit. 
• John Yannuzzi gets on the umps and the opponent
• Troy heckles from the stands
• Dirito continues to ignore the fact that his career as a useful softball player is over
• Bush Wins!  70's STYLE BUSH WWWIIIIIINNNNNSSS!

Final score is 14-12.  LOCK IT UP

The Bush delivers it's own version of the hit and run (see below):

College: Nuff Said

We find ourselves perched on the eve of the kickoff of college football season and the view is spectacular.  We are on the brink of gambling on the first meaningful football in more than six months and it is intoxicating.  And we're not just starting with some rinky-dink one-gamer on Thursday night.  No, we have no less than four Top 25 teams in action on Thursday.  While the Locks' enthusiasm almost demands that we preview all four of these match-ups, we've going to attempt to be judicious and offer those games that we have very strong feelings on (not to mention the fact that we can't even find a line on the Miami game).   

This year we're trying something new and rating our confidence in the Locks we offer.  5 Stars will mean the game is an absolutely impenetrable fortress of unbeatability whereas 1 Star will mean it is a mere mortal guarantee.

So here are three "Locks" for your betting pleasure:

3 Star Specials:

Pittsburgh @ Utah - Line is Utah -3 - While Pitt comes in to this game as the ranked team (#15), there are a number of troubling details which make the favored Utes look like a solid play at home.  For starters, Salt Lake City is a place that neither opposing football teams nor non-Mormons like to visit.  Utah has won 17 straight at home and 21 of its last 22 against non-conference opponents.  Plus, SLC is not exactly right down the road from the Steel City - travel will be a big factor in this one especially when considering our next point.  Pitt is a rather young, inexperienced team.  Not the precise recipe for stealing a tough road W.  The Panthers have only 9 seniors on their roster (a shockingly low number for a Top 15 team) and more importantly are turning the reigns over to a redshirt sophomore QB.  This does little to remove the memory of Pitt's inability to win close games late last season.  For all of its concerns, Pitt does have one of the country's best running backs and perhaps its best pure runner since Tony Dorsett - so not all is lost.  However, it is the other side of the ball that we think is the deciding factor in this one.  Can Utah's QB - who finished last year with a flourish - and its senior RB counter a tough front 7 for Pittsburgh.  We think that Utah will do enough to spoil Pitt's plans for a fast start to the season.  Home field advantage combined with Pitt's youth and inexperience will prove too much for the Panthers.  Take Utah, give the 3 and enjoy the Ute's 24-20 victory.  LOCK IT UP!

USC @ Hawaii - Line is USC -21 - Big road favorites are always scary propositions especially for season openers where the team is likely to feel a little too good about itself.  That concern is even more acute for road teams that are traveling to remote islands more than five hours from home.  All that said, this is a very, very different USC team than we've become accustomed to over the past several years.  Instead of trying to be everyone's darling, this team is looking to deliver 13 bone-crushing smackdowns to make up for the fact that the NCAA has ruled them bowl ineligible for the season.  There is no questioning the talent on USC and when you combine that with a perceived slight leveled on the entire team, you just might have the recipe some major Fuck You games - the like of which we haven't seen since the 2007 Patriots.  The Lane Kiffin era begins with what should not be much of a test (aside from jet-lag) against a Hawaii team that has seen better days.  USC is loaded on offense (assuming Matt Barkley experiences a typical improvement from freshman to sophomore season) and we're highlighting RB Marc Tyler as a potential breakout star of the college football season.  In each of the past 3 games between USC and the Hawaiians, the Trojans have thrown up at least 61 points.  That sort of offensive output does not make covering a three touchdown line too difficult.  Look for a big smile on Kiffin's smug mug by the early second quarter and watch USC cruise to an impressive opening game win.  Take the Trojans -21 to win 45-16.  LOCK IT UP!

Marshall @ Ohio State - Line is Ohio State - 28.5 - This is not "We Are Marshall."  More importantly, Ohio State is not Marshall.  OSU just so happens to be one of the most legit national championship contenders heading into this game and they know that you need to make a statement when you find yourself in that position.  While the media will have you believe that this team is all about Terrell Pryor - and he is very, very good - the true strength of the Buckeyes is a defense that returns almost everyone to a squad that only gave up 12.5 points per game last season.  Marshall might have to wait until game #2 to see that 0 come off the scoreboard.  Then there is Pryor and the other top 3 returning rushers on OSU.  There is no question that Ohio State wins this game and does so in a very convincing fashion.  The question is whether their sometime underwhelming offense will be firing on enough cylinders to allow for a 28.5 point cover.  We think Pryor answers that question with an emphatic yes as he kicks off a potential Heisman run.  Take OSU -28.5 to throttle Marshall 38-3.  LOCK IT UP