The Hump-Day Dance, Here's Your Chance, Do the Hump

All right. Stop what you're doing cause I'm about to ruin the image and the style that you're used to.

In honor of Hump Day, we're paying homage to the Digital Underground with this entry.

Yesterday continued our recent trend of good day followed by bad day followed by good day, etc. etc. We hit only 1 of our 3 UMLs and tallied a 7-9 record overall. Not terrible but certainly not the results that we aim for at the outset of a day of baseball. Regardless, I can still confidently say that I look funny but hey I'm making money.

Today's baseball action got underway early and we snuck in picks of the two earliest games (Yankees and A's to win). Now it's time to unveil the rest of the day's selections:

Unpickable Master Locks:

Texas @ Cleveland - Now gather round, I'm the new fool in town. New fool is right when talking about Tommy Hunter, a pitching fool, that is. This kid has been a revelation for the Rangers and is part of the reason they find themselves solidly in the playoff race. 4-2, 2.63 on the season with a road split of 1-0, 1.38. He gets opposed by a guy who couldn't get laid in a Burger King bathroom with a million dollars and Brad Pitt's dick. Ladies and gentlemen, Fausto Carmona. While he's pitched somewhat better since his call up from the minors, he's still pure hump. The Rangers are ready to bounce back from that embarrassing shutout last night. Hunter will pitch well and once Texas gets into Cleveland's bullpen, this one will be over. Take the Rangers (-124) to win 8-3. LOCK IT UP

Detroit @ Boston - People say "Yo Humpty, you're really funny looking" that's all right cause I get things cookin. Speaking of cooking, that is exactly what Joshua Beckett has been doing of late. His last two starts combined have gone for 14 innings, no runs, 10 hits and 12 Ks. He's brought his ERA down 1.5 runs since late May and looks to carry the Sox to the playoffs. The guy is dialed in. And hey, he might just be a bit funny looking. Also, it looks like the Tigers might have awoken the Boston beast. These guys were playing like MC Hammer on crack recently. Now, they're energized and angry. Plus, Detroit likely won't have a 100% Miggy Cabrera in the lineup tonight and are starting Armando Galarraga (2-6, 5.97 road stats). I think this one gets ugly early and the Sox coast. Take Beantown minus 1.5 runs (-115) to win 8-2. LOCK IT UP

Cincinnati @ St. Louis - Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee. And all the rappers in the top ten, please allow me to bump thee. Chris Carpenter will send a message to all the other NL starters in the top ten tonight that he needs to start being talked about as a potential Cy Young candidate. This cat is going to hump thee shit out of the Reds, just like he has done all year long (2-0, 1.13 on the season). The Reds counter with Locks favorite punching bag Homer Bailey (what a name for a pitcher). Look to Fat Albert and the rest of the gang to turn Homer's oatmeal lumpy tonight. I'm not expecting this one to be close either. St. Louis minus 1.5 runs (-150) will cruise to a 7-1 victory. LOCK IT UP

Remaining Games:

Angels (+105)
Diamondbacks (-175)
Giants (-200)
Braves minus 1.5 runs (-120)
Marlins (-185)
Phillies (-105)
Padres (+121)
Royals (+170)
Rockies minus 1.5 runs (-130)
Mariners (-137)

I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world, keep on doin' the Humpty Dance, and to the ladies, peace and humptiness forever